Goldberry Season

Hey, Splettnet.netsters and Splettnet.netettes!!

Feel like it’s time to wet the finger and touch that third rail. Now that we’ve settled on TC as TB (Tom Cruise as Tom Bombadil [side note: I hear your concerns, believe me. Can Tom Cruise sing? Full disclosure, I don’t know. Honestly, in a vacuum, I think the role would belong to Mark Addy, but we don’t live in a fantasy world, and there are financial concerns to factor in. No studio is going to invest the $300 million for a Bombadil quadrilogy {the story naturally divides into three equal but slightly lesser parts and then a slightly larger fourth part, which could sequentially be the third.} without knowing that they’re going to make their money back and then some, and there’s only one movie star out there that’s guaranteed box office gold, and that’s Joseph Donnelly (Far and Away) himself, the ageless Tom Cruise.]) It’s time to figure out the second and no less important piece of the puzzle: the casting of Goldberry. Unfortunately, the obvious choice, Cate Blanchett is disqualified, as she played Galadriel. (Perhaps they should have thought of this before casting her? Just saying.)

Which leaves us with:

1) Kate Hudson (unfairly maligned, IMHO)

2) Daisy Ridley, with enough makeup so she’s age-appropriate for TC

3) ???

4) Lisa Kudrow twenty years ago. Not helpful, but true.

5) Frances McDormand (she can play anything)

6) Lucy Liu, not for diversity, I just think she’s great with comedy.

7) The girl from that new thing. On the poster. Tip of my tongue. I’ll remember it.

  • Devin Eleven

    Well, you could always save the studio some money by being the Director of Photography. You could really carry out your vision as well. Shoot it in 4K, yeah?

    Sure, you’ve got this blog thing down, but I have a feeling you really know how to handle a camera as well.