Asides

I caught you, Richard Splett! That’s right, fans, I caught myself having a SECOND Macademia Nut cookie when I promised myself I’d only eat one. I’d be lucky to fit in the Splett Net now! Then again, I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I have many good qualities too. (Humility not being one. I’M KIDDING!)

I caught you, Dogwalker Lady in my neighborhood! I saw you pet all the dogs except that Mini-Schnauzer. Poor little guy. Spread that affection around! Unless you were using “tough love” to teach him a lesson. If that’s true, I apologize for jumping the gun and release you from the Splett Net.

I caught you, guy who honked his horn in that traffic jam! Honking’s illegal in many situations. Next time, google the DMV and check it out. That being said, I sympathize. NPR podcasts turn my traffic frowns upside down. Music works, too!

I caught you, lady who swiped my cart at Fresh Market! I would’ve given you my cart had you asked. Then again, you might not have known that was my cart. It’s not like it had my name on it. So I could be overreacting.

Checked with my uncle, Rhett, who’s a retired police detective re: the Chitauri re: vulnerability to Earth weapons, and he walked out of the Avengers after the first twelve minutes, so he had no idea what I was talking about.

I caught you, Mr. Jacobs, owner of Fred’s Pet Emporium! When you feed your Angelfish, don’t be so skimpy with the fish food. Those guppies are hungry! Of course, overfeeding tropical fish can be harmful too so maybe I’m wrong.